Artist Daniel Regan tells the deeply personal story of his own mental health journey, including self-harming in his teens, his time in a psychiatric hospital and undergoing intensive psychotherapy.
Daniel Regan on using photography to manage emotions
Words by Daniel Reganaverage reading time 4 minutes
- Article
![A photograph of a man’s chest and hands.](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/ZWM5NTM1ZTMtZGJhYy00NmM5LThhN2YtYmRhMTk1NTY1YjBl_featured-image2.jpg?auto=format%2Ccompress&rect=&w=1200&h=)
I began feeling that something wasn’t quite right in my early teens. Looking back on it now, I remember thinking that my thoughts seemed jumbled, tangled and different from my peers. My emotional experiences were felt so deeply; my responses were not the same as those around me at that age.
As I got further into my teens, I withdrew into myself and began to self-harm. I could never quite figure out how to make sense of the chaos in my mind, but then I discovered photography, which helped me begin to express the brief moments of clarity.
By the time I was in my late teens, I was relying heavily on photography to manage my emotions and engage in the world around me. It became both a way of cautiously expressing my difficulties whilst also being a physical barrier between me and those around me. Realising the impact photography was having on my life and coping strategies, I decided to pursue a photography degree. During those years I struggled immensely.
‘Insula’ photo series
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/NTYyZDUyYmMtYmJiOC00ZmFkLWJjMTktOTVkMzUzNTcyZjIz_copyright-daniel-regan-6.png?w=750&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
‘Insula’ documents the emotional difficulties of living with a chronic mental health disorder over ten years.
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/YzVhMTEwZGItMzMzYi00NWIyLWIyZTAtYjU3ZWZkODdkMzZj_copyright-daniel-regan-7.png?w=500&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/ZGEwNGJlYTAtOTEyOC00NGVlLWE4MzMtOWE4MWRiNWQ3YmVk_copyright-daniel-regan-8.png?w=750&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
My experience with mental health services was dire: bouncing from one service to the next, being repeatedly misdiagnosed and eventually ending up in a psychiatric hospital. During that stay I remember the immense need to document the experience. Photography was a way of unpicking the mess I was in, in the absence of words.
After my first hospitalisation I began to explore the many abandoned mental asylums across the UK. These enormous and dilapidated shells both haunted and intrigued me. On each visit, I photographed that which had been left behind, curious about the lives of those who had previously inhabited these spaces. As I wandered the haunting halls, I often reflected on my own treatment and how our attitudes towards mental health have changed and evolved, albeit slowly.
Accessing treatment took a long time for me and wasn’t easy: I had to move cities, I was denied treatment for being ‘out of borough’ and there were extremely long wait times. After a decade, I finally got a diagnosis that meant nothing to me (except that I would get access to – hopefully – the right treatment). Throughout these long waits, I turned to photography to stay grounded.
‘Abandoned’ photo series
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/NWI5NTNmNjYtYzllYS00ZjE2LWIwZWYtMTA4ZDIxMjJhNmQx_copyright-daniel-regan-3.png?w=750&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
‘Abandoned’ reflects Victorian mental asylums that are now in decay.
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/YzY5ZDgzZTMtZTFkYS00NzUxLTlmOWQtNzY5Nzg2OWI4NWFh_copyright-daniel-regan-2.png?w=750&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/N2JiYmQ1YTktZjQ3Mi00ZTllLWExZmQtNGU2NzNkOTg1Yjhk_copyright-daniel-regan-1.png?w=500&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/M2JlYmUzOTktYzhkYS00MzNiLWFiODAtZDhlYTEzYWRlYTcz_copyright-daniel-regan-4.png?w=500&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/MTQ0MmU0NDAtNmM2MC00ZDM2LWExZTItM2IwMTg5ZTdkNjhj_copyright-daniel-regan-5.png?w=750&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
Photography for me has always been about documenting what is around me, from the lightness and beauty of the world to the darkness and difficulties. Carrying a camera with me means I’m able to capture the small and subtle beauty of my surroundings: a winter’s frost, slivers of morning light, the scars I bear on my skin; it allows me to appreciate the minutiae of living. I use these images as a form of digital diary-keeping, helping me maintain order and organisation in a world that can often feel chaotic.
In 2012 I decided to complete an MA in photography. After leaving Brighton, I requested a copy of my mental health medical records and felt the need to work through them using my photography. The records were both upsetting and angering, but also humorous. I became aware of just how difficult it can be to accurately understand individual mental health issues. I often felt that I had been misunderstood by the clinician; I wondered how during those sessions so much had become lost in the space between us.
Whilst studying for my master’s I finally got access to 18 months of intensive psychotherapy. Although it was stressful, these two undertakings went hand in hand. The more I used photography to explore my feelings, the more I felt I could uncover in therapy and vice versa. In my work I examined my feelings of living with mental illness as a second skin. I physically wallpapered my body in my medical records, tearing them from my body and removing patches of skin and hair.
I compared my own self-portraits with clinical records made at the same time, questioning the dual perspectives of myself as a service user and as the clinician. Working on these projects gave me a sense of closure as I slowly started to recover and feel more stable. What had been internally turbulent slowly began to feel calmer and resolved.
‘Fragmentary’ photo series
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/ZTlmYjk1NjMtMzY2ZS00Nzg4LThhZDktYjBhMTA5ZDhlMTY3_copyright-daniel-regan-11.png?w=1023&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
‘Fragmentary’ was created as part of a project as artist-in-residence at the Free Space Project.
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/YzBiM2M3N2YtYzUzMy00MjI0LTk0ZTQtZWEzMjg1MDc2MmQ0_copyright-daniel-regan-10.png?w=1338&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/NDhkOTJmY2MtODc1Ny00M2Q5LTkyYjItODQ2ODlhOTA1NWIx_copyright-daniel-regan-9.png?w=1025&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
![© Copyright Daniel Regan](https://images.prismic.io/wellcomecollection/MWQxMzBkOTYtMjE2Yi00OTNhLTlkNmItMDE0ZGU3ZjQ0ZTli_copyright-daniel-regan-12.png?w=1338&auto=compress%2Cformat&rect=&q=100)
Nowadays I also run therapeutic photography projects and workshops, teaching others how we can use the arts to improve our wellbeing. Photography has changed how I see the world and I enjoy helping others with difficulties learn to see the world differently too.
About the author
Daniel Regan
Daniel Regan is a photographer and artist based in London, working on themes of mental health and wellbeing. He is the current director of the Free Space Project, a charity providing arts activities and therapies across two NHS sites in north London.