St. Jacobs Oil family calendar and book of health and humor for the million : 1885 : containing original humorous articles & illustrations by the leading humorists of America / the Charles A. Vogeler Company.

  • Charles A. Vogeler Company
Date:
1884
Catalogue details

Licence: Public Domain Mark

Credit: St. Jacobs Oil family calendar and book of health and humor for the million : 1885 : containing original humorous articles & illustrations by the leading humorists of America / the Charles A. Vogeler Company. Source: Wellcome Collection.

    31/34
    -K v! 9 PARSON JINGLEJAW AND SEWING-CIRCLE.* THE (Written for The St. Jacobs Oil Family Calendar, 1885, by George Stevens, “ Wade Whipple, Mt. Vernon, New Fork.) Breddern an’ Sistern—an’ mo’ ’spesually de Sistern—de tex’ dat I’me gwine ter struggle wid ter-night am foun’ in the adverbs ob Solo mel, an’ am in deze wu’ds, “ fo’ dem dat sews, de same shall dey rip!” Now de ’cashion ob my interducin’ dis subjee’ am sich as wu’ked outen de las’ meetin’ ob de Sewin’-Suckel dat yo’ parsture war mixed up wid. P’erliminous, an5 in de fus’ place, I tuk notice dat ’rnong de articules dat was bein’ fabercated fo’ de headen, ober in Affiky, war a bed-kiver dat Sister Sock- darner waz tattooin’, and dat she said war a crazy-quilt. De t’ing did look like it war on- settled like, caze de parts wus dat mixed dat hit ’neared ter me dat somebody’d rammed a chock- full rag-bag in a ole blun’erbuss, an’ shot de ’gregents at the bombazine groun’wuk ob dis structur’; but fo’ all dat, de bed-kiver did’n’ ’pear nigh as crazy as de idee, caze de climic out dar in Affiky makes de ladies an’ gemmen perfer bal’ness, an’ dis yar bed-kiver’d hominize wid deir neceries ’bout de same as a bottle o’ ka’r-ile to a sculped injin. Den dar wuz Sister Crow- shade—she war composin’ a ckes’pertecter outen suffin dat ’peared like wit-ledder, hamstiched all roun’ wid yaller-brade, wid a munnygram on de bull’s-eye made outen red-merocker alfabets dat spelled P. and Haitch. I axed de kin’ ole lady what de fo’said war con’s’tuted fo’, an’ she said it war ter fence off de croop f’om some pore sufferin’ Affikin, and dat de P. Haitch meant “Poor Headen.” I ’sponded dat sich a sukkus pos’er as dat on the boozum ob a brack-an’-tan chile might scar’ de croop outen its wits, but hit’d bu’n a hole in de fo’-groun’ ob de babe so quick dat he wouldn’t sell fo’ nuffin but frizzled ham, an’ I reckoned dat ef de ’pinion ob de wictim war tuk in de premerses, dat he’d say de (P'0 __- an t&r- P. Haitch oughter stan’ fo, “ P’epos’erous Plot.” Fuddermo’, and secon’ly, dar wuz anodder lady dar dat wuz a delecate f om de “ Hottentot Salba- tion Jint-stock Fellership,” dat wuz wukkin’ a book-mark on a ribbon dat war as wide as a bar’l-stabe, an’ red as a tukkey’s chin-tassel, an’ on de pepper-box side war de wud’s—“ Fead my Lams.” Now, I don’ ’spek’ hit ebber struck dat lady dat de fust Affikin dat lay eyes on dat book¬ mark’d git ’toxicated ’bout dat ribbin, an’ make a bellyban’ outen de donation, nor dat de lams outen dat pascliure can’t git any mo’ n’ur’sh- ment f’om book-marks dan de sheep ob dis fol’, but dese em de facks, an’ facks am what yo’m gotterstar ’in de face. Now, my belubbed lams—an’ likewise de sheep, caze dars some radder tough mutton in dis congergation dat ’quires roustin’ up—de wu’ds ob de tex’ am not ’tended ter be tuk mo’ in de one sense dan in de nex sense, an’ am figgertive de same as dey am onfiggertive. Dey pint’s not on’y ter de perfession ob sich as bil’a trossoo fo’ folks dat aint in de habit o’ gwine bar’-footed Pom head ter foot like der sabbiges, but dey p’ints ter sich as am bildin’ repertations, an’ dat chile ob sin dat don’t sew ’cordin’ ter de need, am sartain to be one ob der mo’tals dat fin’s de trufe ob de adverb “ fo’ dem dat sews, de same shall dey rip!” Fuddermo’ an’ in de nex’ place, lemme tell yo’ dis, (an’ yo’ kin ram dis trufe down wid de pile-driber ob conwiction,) dat it haint on’y de sewin’, but de kinder stuff yer uses dats gwinter fotch yo’ up fo’ jedsmen’, an’ ef yo’m makin’ a pa’r oberalls ter perteck yo’se’f Pom gittin’ drabbled in yo’ rassle wid sin, lint haint der stuff ter tack der garb tergedder wid; ef yo’m b’ildin’ a grab-bag fo’ de chu’ch, yo’ nee’n’ter speck she’s gwinter stan’ much grabbin’ ef yo’ splices up de aiges wid ravelin’s; an’ ef yo’m sorter recterfyin’ de open-sezams in yo’ boys trouserloons, an’ yo’ lassoos de same wid yarn, yo’m gwinter ram yo’se’f right up agin de tex, dat “ dem dat sews, de same shall dey rip.” Take car’ den, babes ob de lam, how yoTaber- cates de robe o’ salwation! Watch de patte’n dat wuz sot fo’ yer by der chillun ob lzerell Tuck in de seams wid de wax-en’ ob integerty; couple de jints -wid de ole-fashion’ kearpet- freads ob jestice an’ trufe; subsile de same wid de linin’ o’ ginoowine pra’r, an’ yo’ parstures wu’d fo’ de same, dat hit’ll hang to yer like de strawkiver on a jimmy-john, an’ hit’ll be yo’ priberlege ter know dat de’ tex’ haint p’intin’ at yo’ when hit say, “ fo’ dem dat sews, de same shall dey rip!” ^[Copyright, 1884. The Charles A. Yogeler Co.] NEVER TO RETURN. Mr. W. F. Sullivan, 15 W. 33rd Street, New York City, United States of America, says, that for six years he suffered with Rheumatism, and for weeks was unable to get about or feed him¬ self. Finally he tried the wonderful remedy, St. Jacobs Oil. “ It cured me,” he says, “and I have not been troubled with Rheumatism since. >) csG) B
    digitised image 1
    digitised image 2
    digitised image 3